Egg Timers, Barbies and Chatterboxes

I want to tell you about the time my daughter taught me to really believe in doing time outs, the right way!

I don't remember why she was in time out.  It wasn't anything earth shattering.  All she had to do was sit in the chair and wait for the egg timer to ring.  I think she was four years old, so it would have been 4 minutes.  Instead it was a half an hour of her crying in her room. That is the point where I started to think those normal parent worries,  "It's not working? why hasn't she calmed down? am I exasperating her?, will it hurt her?"

Oh yes! The parenting "Chatterbox" was working overtime.  The chatterbox is the storehouse of  negative experiences and provides a stream of negative energy and thoughts that you generate when you are worried. (roughly borrowed from Susan Jeffers, "Feel the fear and do it anyway" http://www.susanjeffers.com/home/index.cfm, Random House Publishing, 2006 )  If you don't keep it in check it runs over every rational thought and takes over.

My chatterbox was in rare form that day.  But one rational thought sneaked through. "She really shouldn't be this upset over a time out"  So I sneaked up stairs and poked my head around the corner.  There she was, on her bed moaning like she was dying...while she played with her Barbies on the bed.  

Not everybody likes the idea of time outs!  Some people really react negatively if you talk about counting to 3. You can see why.  What usually happens is usually a diatribe in the middle of the counting.

                          "Billy, Stop that!" (Billy is a made up name for our purposes)

                           "Billy, I said stop it!" 

                           "Billy, Don't make me count you!" 

                            Fine, Billy that's One.

This is not what Thomas Phelan, {the author of "1, 2, 3, Magic"  (see him at   http://youtu.be/ihHl3oscy7Y,} had in mind.  "Too much talk" is one of the reasons time outs and counting don't work.  The other reason is too much emotion.   Both result in the parent owning the problem instead of the child.  Normal parental anxiety interferes with effective follow through.  If you are worried that the time outs will take too long, don't. With Phelan's method the time out is only 1 min per year (childs age)....from the time the child accepts the time out!  That's the part that is hard to get your head around.  Because kids can temper tantrum for an hour and occasionally will.  Trust me, I know!   

Summer Free Fun Part II

Today, I have been updating the list of games so far and adding links to instructions on how to play.  Thank you to everyone who has given me games so far.  Please keep sending them.  Some of the sites are great resources. Pinterest is very good as is Momtastic and the Ultimate Camp Resource. See below!

Nearly Free List:
Animal Rescue League	http://arl-iowa.org/
Badminton	http://www.badminton.org/badminton-rules.html
Balance the bean bag dance contest	http://www.activityvillage.co.uk/beanbag_games.htm
Beach Party at home	http://www.momtastic.com/home-and-living/entertaining/104451-make-a-beach-party-at-home
Bike Races
Bike Ride
Bike Trail
Bocce Ball	http://bocceballrules.net/
Body rolling down a hill
Bubble blowing/wands	http://www.activityvillage.co.uk/bubble_recipe.htm
Build a kite
Build a model car or airplane
Build cardboard fort
Capture the flag	http://www.ehow.com/how_311_play-capture-flag.html
Catch Frogs
Conkers (its a British game)	http://www.ecenglish.com/learnenglish/lessons/how-play-conkers
Craft book activities	http://www.activityvillage.co.uk/kids_crafts.htm
Croquette
Don't break the ice with Watermelons
Draw a logo contest
Duck Duck Goose
Face Painting	http://painting.about.com/od/faceandbodypainting/a/Face_Painting.htm
Finger painting	http://familyfun.go.com/crafts/homemade-finger-paints-667505/
Fishing
Flag football
Frisbee catch
Frisbee golf
Frog Catching
Frog Racing
Geo Caching
Go to Local Conservation Center (In 50158 Grimes Farm)	http://www.grimesfarm.com/ http://www.nrcs.usda.gov/wps/portal/nrcs/main/national/home
Home made ice cream
Horse Shoes
Ice Cream Cones
Kick ball
Library
Mafia (Wink em)	http://www.ultimatecampresource.com/site/camp-activity/wink-em.html
Make Tie Dye tee shirts	http://familycrafts.about.com/cs/tiedye/a/041601a.htm
Make up story telling
Make your own Pinata	http://www.homemadesimple.com/en-us/crafts/pages/make-your-own-pinata.aspx
Make your own Puppets	http://familyfun.go.com/crafts/crafts-by-type/dolls-toys/puppet-crafts/
Making Gorp
Making No Bake Cookies	http://www.browneyedbaker.com/2009/06/30/no-bake-chocolate-peanut-butter-oatmeal-cookies/
Marbles
Miniature Golf
Night hike
Origami	http://www.activityvillage.co.uk/origami_for_kids.htm
Person Wheelbarrow Races
Pogo Stick	http://www.ehow.com/how_10027583_make-pogo-stick.html
Popsicle Castles	http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v8PZAoilC5A
Potato Sack Races
Puddle Stomping
Red Rover	http://www.grandparents.com/gp/content/activitiesandevents/games/article/red-rover.html
Sand castle building
Sardines
Scavenger Hunt
Secret signal Game
Silly Songs	http://www.ultimatecampresource.com/site/camp-activities/silly-camp-songs.page-3.html
Snake in the Grass Game	http://www.greatgroupgames.com/snake-in-the-grass.htm
Squirt gun battle
Ten flags (capture the flags, smaller area… more flags)
Toss Across (a very buildable game)
Ultimate Frisbee
Video scavenger hunt
Water balloon fight

Knee High by the Fourth of July...Fun or Trouble?

Ah, Summer Time! Always in capital letters!  Nearly every school kid dreams about those words, as do the  teachers.   For me it was the idea of riding my bicycle down to the river or dam, playing baseball and watching TV.  For my parents on the other hand, it seemed to mean cleaning the garage, my bedroom, painting fences and barns, and weeding the garden.  I don't know how they got such an awful picture of what summer was supposed to be.  They even put band lessons in.   My kids seem to have a picture of summer that involves lots of PlayStation 3 and Netflix and sleeping in.  As a parent, I can think of all kinds of chores to get my kids to do! Yes, thank you there is a garden to tend.

So how do you balance it all?  I guarantee this;  If you don't have some structure for your kids, don't worry about the corn being knee high by the Fourth of July, the trouble will be.  Even the best kids will get into some sticky situation.  So how and what to fit in? I think its about setting expectations.

At our house, we have a list of tasks that need to be completed before TV or Video. They can each do a  1/2 hour of piano and band and a chore.  Also, we set an expectations that they spend some time being outside.  That may include swim time at the public pool or playing ball with a friend.  Each meal they can contribute something whether it is  clearing or setting the table.  Do their own dishes.  When they were younger they were supervised by a teenage nanny (you may not want to call them a babysitter!). We also had a list of fun activities that we/they chose from.  Each week each child got a day that they picked the activity for everyone.  Everything from going 'geocaching' to 'capture the flag'. As parents you have to put in some time helping them think of a few ideas.  There were two lists, the money list  for a family day with everyone and then the free activities list for regular everyday.  Here's some ideas.  Get the kids started and keep updating it every week. Please write in with your suggestions.

Nearly Free List:

Animal Rescue League
Badminton
Balance the bean bag dancing
Beach Party at home
Bike Races
Bike Ride
Bike Trail
Bocce Ball
Body rolling down a hill
Bubble blowing
Build a kite
Build a model car or airplane
Build Card board fort
Capture the flag
Catch Frogs
Conkers (its a British game)
Craft book activities
Croquette
Don't break the ice with Watermelons
Draw a logo contest
Duck Duck Goose
Face Painting
Finger painting
Fishing
Flag football
Frisbee catch
Frisbee golf
Frog Catching
Frog Racing
Geo Caching
Go to Local Conservation Center (In 50158 Grimes Farm)
Home made ice cream
Hopscotch
Horse Shoes
Hot Potato
Ice Cream Cones
Jump Rope
Kick ball
Library
Mafia
Make Tie Dye tee shirts
Make up story telling
Make your own Pinata
Make your own Puppets
Making Gorp
Making No Bake Cookies
Marble
Miniature Golf (Homemade Course)
Musical chairs
Night hike
Person Wheelbarrow Races
Pogo Stick
Popsicle Castles
Potato Sack Races
Puddle Stomping
Red Rover
Running Races
Sand castle building
Sardines
Scavenger Hunt
Secret signal Game
Shadow Tag
Sidewalk Chalk
Sock Tag
Snake in the grass tag
Sprinkler tag
Squirt gun battle
Tennis
Ten Flags (aka capture the flag in smaller area and have to capture 10 instead of 1)
Toss Across (a very build-able game)
Ultimate Frisbee
Video scavenger hunt
Water balloon fight

Money List:
Adventure land
Apple-berry Farm
Arcade
Beach
Bookstore
County and State Fairs
Go Carts
Go to Corn Maze
Miniature Golf
Pool
Shopping

Enjoy your Memorial Day! Thank You to all who have Served.

Who gets to push the elevator button?

To a child from a small town,  elevators are giant farm dragons feeding out of the upper stories of barns, corn cribs and grain silos. Great machines that you are not allowed to touch!  When your family goes and stays at a hotel or visits a mall, elevators suddenly become a new thing.  Giant doors that open and close.  All those people crowding in and not talking. All those shiny round buttons on them. Brightly light numbers above the door. A gentle whoosh and a lurch going up and down. What fun!

One fight inevitably ensues.  Who gets to push the button to call the elevator? Who gets to push the floor button and of course if you are at the door to your hotel room, who gets to put in the card to make the door open?  Parent, this could be a fight all stay.  Kids racing up and down the hall to get to be first.  Or..., it could be a good chance to work on taking turns.  It is up to you.  And if you forget, they will probably know.  If they still end up fighting, just start over, using one of the tiebreakers from the blog on "Sour Grapes." 

Sour Grapes & Tie Breakers

You've heard it before.  "Holding grudges is bad for you."  "Revenge is a punishment you dish to yourself when you serve it to someone else".  Wish I could remember who said the last quote.  Wasn't me!  I do know that it is true.  Families can hold all kinds of grudges.  Parents can blame each other for a lot of things.  It tends to start with keeping score.  Who got up with the baby last?  Who has done the most around the house?  Kids learn at a very young age how to play the score card. "I never get to do anything" or "I set the table last time."   Thank goodness for the peacemakers in every family.  They are the ones that settle differences.

My friend Bob is a peacemaker.  I learned that when we were working as camp counselors together.  At the time, I confess I  didn't understand what he was doing.  At my campsite, the kids helped themselves to seconds after everyone got firsts and 98% of the time that worked out fine.  If an issue ever came up we worked it out.  Bob though was a middle child.  He preferred not to have any conflict ever!  So when we were on a picnic with a group of kids I was shocked to see this long line of kids waiting with their "Sierra" cups in hand.  Bob had done the math and had rationed out 6 grapes a piece.  Distributed in two sets of three.  At the time I thought, that is not many grapes, whats going on?  Apparently the other bunch got damaged and dumped.  (I don't think Bob was hoarding them, though I knew counselors that did do that kind of stuff).  

The game "Scene it" is full of tiebreakers.  They are like the ways we resolved issues at camp.   Whenever there's an argument about who got done first, there is a task to resolve the argument.  I recommend making a jar of tie breakers. If an argument breaks out draw out a tie breaker and use it.  Make it random things that don't always favor the same person.  It is okay to sit down and make these up with your kids. Here are a few examples. Keep these handy they make things a lot more peaceful. 

1)Who is wearing red?

2)Who can hold their breath the longest?

3) Who is nearest the door?

4)Who can make the funniest face?

5)Who can touch their tongue on their nose?

6)Who is tiniest?

7)Who can whistle?

8)Who can stand on tiptoes the longest (no pushing)?

Camping Season & Other Ways to Say "I like You"

Memorial Day brings with it the beginning of the camping season.  It takes the kids out of the house and away from the game systems.  Our rule was they could have the portable devices in the car for traveling but once to the campsite they were left in the car  (Tell them before you leave, no surprises!).  More detail on traveling with kids later...   Camp Counseling at Sugar Creek Bible camp was the same.  The only electronics we allowed were flashlights.  (How else to play flashlight tag?). Instead, we played kickball and soccer, hiked up a great bluff to a spring or down to the creek to catch crawdads.  That's one of the great things about camping.  It doesn't take a 350$ entertainment center to create challenges to overcome and joys become simple again. And the entertainment comes from being with one another.  Yes, the bugs can make you crazy. Humidity can overwhelm, so you prepare as best you can. Take the sun lotion, the bug spray, water guns and buy lots of ice.  Its worth it because, nothing builds a child's self esteem as much as learning that you enjoy being with them. Oh it takes awhile to get past the whining and the complaining.  You have to try different things, hacky sack and flying kites and building things with rocks and telling stories and rolling in sleeping bag races.  You watch the kids and find what amuses them.  What tickles their fancy and yours.  Don't expect perfection from them and don't expect things to go perfectly for you. You'll probably leave later than you wanted and end up setting up in the dark.  Families have arguments about everything don't expect camping to be different. This is not about fixing your family. That's television hyperbole. Remember, its the things that go wrong at camp that make the best stories to tell.