Spring Cleaning

Trying to get kids to clean is always difficult.  We always recommend establishing a routine, providing positive reinforcement, and working with your kids so they feel connected as a family and not like a servant.  Breaking tasks up into smaller pieces.  Sometimes chore charts help. Whatever you do, try to keep it fun and not let it become a battle.  These discussions always make me think how much things have changed...

 "While you're there..."  My mother would begin to say.  These are the words that would always  make me cringe.  They were words associated with taking a routine cleaning task and making it into an in depth cleaning task. It didn't really matter what the routine task was originally, the add on task was often cleaning a window or vacuuming out an air vent.  As near as I could tell, the only requirement of "While you're there..." was that I be in the general vicinity of the 'add-on' task. Dusting the television top would soon become, "let's move the TV, dust behind it and you might as well clean that window while you're there."   I recall one time when  I was asked to take out the garbage. What followed was "While you're there, you can help your father in the garden."   My hopes for spending the afternoon watching the "Wide World of Sports" died on the spot. So much for not exasperating your children. Though a careful reading of that rule apparently applies to fathers, not mothers...go figure?

My mother wasn't an expert cleaner, though she seemed determined to make me one.  She was however, excellent at organizing.  She could organize all of my siblings, my father (no easy task there!), do in depth cleaning herself, find time to inspect our work and with impeccable timing, always sense when we were about to say good enough and interrupt it with "While you are there".   This was a process we repeated every Saturday.  Saturday's became a symphony that began with a fairly simple chore and progressed into a chorus of "While you are there's  accompanied by the 8 track recording of Henri Mancini's "Baby Elephant Walk" and resolving into Harper Valley PTA or Leapin Lee's "Little Arrows."    Around 5 pm or so the symphony would decrescendo into a routine of showers and supper  accompanied by Lawrence Welk, Wild Kingdom and climatically finish with Hee Haw.  I was never quite sure how cleaning always ended up being bed time but it always did.

A common difficulty for parents of kids with ADHD is to help their kids stay on task.  There are a few simple rules but the reality is that it is hard work for the parents to help ADHD kids develop self esteem and pride in their cleaning and organizing skills.   One piece of advice is to break the task down into simple steps.  A second piece of advice is to recognize that ADHD kids can get obsessed with minutiae that is interesting to them such as lining up their matchbox cars and then lose interest in cleaning by the time they get to picking up their laundry.  "But Mom I've been cleaning for hours" they will say, and the inevitable response follows,  "No you have been playing for hours."   Let's face it, you need to help them organize the task so they work big to little. Start with three big tasks 1) pick up all the clothes off the floor in your room, on the closet floor and under your bed and put them in the laundry.   2) Make your bed.   3) Put all the toys that are out into a box.  Once that is done  you can then start putting the toys away and organize them as much as  you want.

A Child's Winter

A covering blanket
unmarred by hand
before the turn of blade,
the new fallen snow
grants reprieve from
muddy ground and
frozen earth

Silently, wind blown flakes collect,
to our homes we scatter.
A perilous winter's trek
for those of weakened bone,
and blessing sweet for those who learn
and those whose yearning is relief.

Over the night and course of day,
The white adorns the hills and trees.
A beckoning call to
all the boards and sleds
and bindings that fit one's feet.

A parents love
willingly given
can bless a messy hearth
Adorning hope upon the child
who just cannot...seem to mind
Blanketing shame of thoughtless deed
and forgiving broken vase.

Over the night and course of day
Let peace adorn the child
withholding curse and critique
that  your lips so often blather.
With smiling eyes, no wint'ry looks
to blast or bury further.

Over the night and course of day
Let the blizzard  flurry
Let each unique flake of love descend
like new fallen snow  to gather.
For those who learn and
those who yearn and
those who seek reprieve,
like midnight snow
fall the love
to pile a blessing
oh so sweet.

Time to Eliminate the Negatives

Happy New Year!.

Have you ever met someone and knew that they were someone that brought you down? Most of us have met someone like this.   They may be charming on meeting.  They may be humorous or thought provoking.  Initially, you may tell yourself that they are worth getting to know better.  However, each time you talk with them you leave them  feeling a little bit worse and you have trouble figuring out just why it is so.  How did they slight you?  Was it something they said about your appearance? Did they tell racially charged or demeaning jokes? Did they disagree with you? Did they make you look bad in front of others. Did they put down someone or something you care about?  There is a chance you may not be able to identify what they did.  Worse yet, you can identify what they did and revealed something about yourself you didn't want to think about. 

First things first.  The goal of a crises is to get out of the crises.  If you ever wake up and smell smoke and find the house is on fire...(May the Lord forbid this happen to you!)... you don't grab your cell phone and call an architect to start designing a new house.  You don't!  Well, if you find yourself talking to someone and they are getting their needles in under your skin.  Don't stop to contemplate the meaning of why these barbs hurt you.  Just excuse yourself and go as quickly as you can.  

Once you are away, quickly write down what they said and seal it in an envelope.  On the outside of the envelope write down "After further consideration!"  Then, put the thing in a vault someplace and put it out of your mind.  Go for a walk or read a book.  Later, if you are not able to get it out of your head... it may be time to address what it was that upset you. If you have collected several of these envelopes from contact with the same person write the name on the outside and bind them together.  It will be important to figure out what they are doing and how they have identified a sore spot they can exploit.  If you have collected several of these envelopes from several different people its also time to get help.

Maybe, you are overreacting, chances are you are not.  Usually, when I see this, I find that the concern is legitimate and it doesn't take long to sort things out.   Developing the skills to stop this person from harming you can be very uplifting and raise your confidence and wouldn't that feel nice? 

Whenever you are ready, help is here! 

Video Game Violence Upgrade!

An upgrade to my blog is underway.

Nope it's not a computer upgrade.

It's a learning upgrade.  I am very excited by an article (2012)* by Willoughby, Adachi and Good, that studies associations between Video Game Violence and Aggression.   This looks to be a very important study that puts to rest a number of complaints about research in this area.

Unfortunately, it is stretching me to understand their methodology so while I am eager to talk about their research  and compare it to others, I have to go back and refresh my understanding of "Latent Growth Curve Modeling." Sounds fun doesn't it? I am so excited to read it I have cleared 20 other equally highly stimulating tasks off my list to make way for it (e.g., cleaning attic windows, studying the Book of Numbers, and learning about the mating habits of cockroaches to name a few).

If you recall, in the last article I discussed that there isn't really a good ethical way to study causality of violence in children and adolescents.  I gave the example of sticking a hand in a toaster to see if it causes burning.  It would be wrong to experiment this way with children.  It also would be wrong to make children play violent video games over long periods of time, if you think it may cause them to be violent.

The answer is longitudinal studies. Instead of telling 30+ children to stick their hands in toasters, you instead observe 300+ children to see how many stick their hands in toasters over time and then compare the outcomes between the kids that were able to restrain the impulse of sticking hands in toasters and those that couldn't restrain themselves. (My apologies to every impulsive child out there who has ever stuck their hand in a toaster for using this example!) Willoughby, Adachi and Good have done longitudinal research over 4 years on video game violence and aggression among adolescents.  It is a good read.  I still wish you could learn about this by playing an educational video game...oh well.

So whilst I go back and finish my upgrade, have fun Christmas shopping and try to pick educational and social video games instead of violent ones for your kids because it looks like there may be due cause to be concerned that video games cause violence.

*Willoughby, Adachi, and Good. (2012) "A Longitudinal Study of the Association Between Violent Video Game Play and Aggression Among Adolescents." Developmental Psychology. Vol 48, No. 4, 1044-1057.

Video Games and Children (part 1)

There is a ton of research out on the effects of video games and children.  Frankly, reading this sort of research bores me to death.  I wish they had a video game app that explained the effects.  One author caught my attention.  Agne Suziedelyte has written a working paper entitled "Can Video Games Affect Children's Cognitive and Non-cognitive Skills."*   I had hoped I could breeze through it and give a quick summary here.  That is not so likely! She has managed to complicate the thing in a rather serious effort.

 In fact, I have been reading this article and then rereading it. There are a couple of reasons this merits attention.  The first reason relates to the broad claim that "There is no evidence that video game playing increases aggressiveness in children." (pg. 3) In general such broad statements should be taken with a grain of salt.  This is research speak and can be unintentionally misleading.  This sort of statement usually means that the research that has been done is correlational. Correlational means there is a connection but it hasn't proven which causes the other. It's kind of a chicken and egg which came first sort of thing. A statement like this one, can make it sound that there is no relationship between violence and video games. That seems unlikely.   Bushman, B. and Anderson C. wrote in 2002 (*2) that "players who had prior experience playing violent video games responded with an increased level of aggression when they encountered confrontation."

The question is, why would anyone make a broad claim that "there is no evidence of video games increasing violence?"  Well, it just means that researchers need to do a lot more work to really understand the impact video games do have.  That is a warning to us all.  These video games are common and there is a lot of peer pressure out there to buy the lastest offering from Playcenter Five, or to buy the new best Murderer's Creed edition. ( Please excuse the made up names!) That doesn't mean that the games are safe. There is also no evidence that sticking your hand in a toaster causes redness.  We do know that burning yourself causes redness.  I just don't believe that anyone has actually selected a sample of children and a control group to study sticking hands into toasters.  That would be cruel.

The second reason for looking closely at this paper is because this paper comes out of the School of Economics and not the Psychology Department.  I don't know what prompted this Doctoral Student in economics to study video game violence.  The more I dig in to this article, the more I respect the rigor of her methods. It does make sense for this to be an economics study.  You can bet that video games are big business. Forbes magazine(*3) quotes DFC Intelligence (a research firm) as estimating that the "worldwide video game industry will reach 70.1 billion dollars by 2015." Do you think that big business might like to have some research saying there is no proven causality between video games and violence  or that there are positive impacts of video games?

 I'm not suggesting any sort of evil conspiracy.  I am just saying that 70.1 billion dollars is a lot of money.  It wouldn't be surprising if someone who makes their income slicing their piece of the (video game) pie might want to protect that income from research  that would hinder sales. Research that suggested that video games cause children to be more violent could be problematic.

The bottom line is this.  Before you fork out 40$ a game  for Christmas gifts for your kids, take time to ask yourself if you will really monitor their use and play?  Will you really set and follow through with limits? If you will, okay maybe this gift is right for you and your family.  If you won't, I would recommend Santa and his elves should find something else to put under the Christmas tree.

 *Suziedelyte, Agnes. Australian School of Business Research Paper No. 2012 ECON37,  reprinted from the Social Science Research Network Electronic Paper Collection:  http://ssm.com/abstract=2140983)

 *2 Bushman, B. and Anderson C.(2002). Violent Video Games and Hostile Expectations: A Test of the General Aggression Model. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 28, 1679-1686

*3 Rishe, Patrick. Trends-in-the-Multi-Billion Dollar Video Game Industry: QA With Gaming Champ Fatality, Forbes, 12/23/2011.

Help Needed:Video Game update Pre-Christmas Shopping

I heard a parent recently tell me that video games were bad for kids.  At least that is what they were told by a therapist.  That comment is too general for my taste.  In my experience, it has more to do with the supervision of the type of video game, the amount of time playing video games, and whether the child has other outside activities and behaviors.  Common sense tends to prevail on these sorts of things.  

1) Here is a suggestion no one bothers to heed:  Don't put the video games in bedrooms. Get them out where you can see what they are playing and doing. 

2) Do use learning and problem solving software. Unfortunately my repertoire of these is sadly out of date. 

Please help me update this by posting a comment below.  Here are my favorites from days of yore. 

a) Freddie Fish

b) Kid's Chess

c) Pajama Sam

d) Sponge Bob typing.

e) Mavis Bacon typing.

f) Rosetta Stone Language Software

g) Nancy Drew 

h) Google Sketch-up

3) Please limit time on computers and video games. 

4) Please closely monitor any online gaming activity.

I will be doing some research and trying to summarize it in human terms. 

Please, please help me update current learning and problem solving software.

Scott

Ewoks, Halloween Candy and Post Halloween Fears

My folks didn't let us watch much in the way of scary movies around Halloween   It always seemed like bedtime came really early in October. I wonder if my folks didn't move the clocks ahead of Daylight Savings time, just so we wouldn't see all the scary movies we were missing..  We got to go trick or treating.  We got to carve pumpkins and have Halloween parties.  Unfortunately, without the scary stuff Halloween became an exercise in gross food.  The scariest thing that happened most Halloweens was hearing horror stories about hooks in somebody 's Halloween cookie or caramel apple.

Developmentally, children work through and develop anger around 2-3 and fears around 4-5.  Though I beg you to forgive the gross oversimplification here. Please be attuned to your kids sleep habits following Halloween   Parents usually say their kids don't have nightmares.  Their kid's will then draw me pictures in elaborate detail describing their nightmares to me. The parents are often stunned.

We work with fear through play and repetition. Halloween is a kind of play where we have the opportunity to face our fears. Most kids have a lot of fun dressing up in costumes.  A little bit of role playing adventure is  also good to overcome fears. Sometimes it is spontaneous. When I was doing observations at HeadStart, the kids would express their fears on the playground.  Sometimes a child or a group of children would suddenly start yelling and chasing me.  Sometimes, I would be arrested by a mob of 20-30 three foot tall policeman.  Some days, I would be captured by 20-30  three foot tall monsters. It was a lot like the scene with the Ewoks from "The Return of the Jedi."  It was a lot of work making sure I didn't fall on one of the cute little fur balls. 

The Grimm's fairy tales were also a good way to work through fears.  I don't remember where, but I read one time that modern day, politically correct, disney-esque versions of  these tales actually caused more nightmares.  If I remember correctly, the original tales (which resulted in the death of the villain and were therefore considered more violent), actually were more resolved in children's minds and caused less anxiety. The more politically correct version where the villain saw the error of their ways were next best  and caused some anxiety among children who feared that the villains changed and would change back.  Children are very concrete and don't trust this type of change. The most anxiety provoking were the stories that the villain was run off and never seen again.  Apparently, never seen again is less reassuring than dead. So if you like to tell scary makeup stories with your kids.  Kill the bad guy.  They will sleep better.  Please don't let young children watch Freddie, Jason, Jack or Snakes on Planes.

Oh and one more thing.  If you kids are having trouble after Halloween give me a call 641-753-0440.  Dealing with fears is one of the things I do best.  I think it may come from having older siblings.  Older siblings are never quite as cautious as their parents, about the stories they tell their younger siblings.