Thursday, January 17, 2013

Time to Eliminate the Negatives

Happy New Year!.

Have you ever met someone and knew that they were someone that brought you down? Most of us have met someone like this.   They may be charming on meeting.  They may be humorous or thought provoking.  Initially, you may tell yourself that they are worth getting to know better.  However, each time you talk with them you leave them  feeling a little bit worse and you have trouble figuring out just why it is so.  How did they slight you?  Was it something they said about your appearance? Did they tell racially charged or demeaning jokes? Did they disagree with you? Did they make you look bad in front of others. Did they put down someone or something you care about?  There is a chance you may not be able to identify what they did.  Worse yet, you can identify what they did and revealed something about yourself you didn't want to think about. 

First things first.  The goal of a crises is to get out of the crises.  If you ever wake up and smell smoke and find the house is on fire...(May the Lord forbid this happen to you!)... you don't grab your cell phone and call an architect to start designing a new house.  You don't!  Well, if you find yourself talking to someone and they are getting their needles in under your skin.  Don't stop to contemplate the meaning of why these barbs hurt you.  Just excuse yourself and go as quickly as you can.  

Once you are away, quickly write down what they said and seal it in an envelope.  On the outside of the envelope write down "After further consideration!"  Then, put the thing in a vault someplace and put it out of your mind.  Go for a walk or read a book.  Later, if you are not able to get it out of your head... it may be time to address what it was that upset you. If you have collected several of these envelopes from contact with the same person write the name on the outside and bind them together.  It will be important to figure out what they are doing and how they have identified a sore spot they can exploit.  If you have collected several of these envelopes from several different people its also time to get help.

Maybe, you are overreacting, chances are you are not.  Usually, when I see this, I find that the concern is legitimate and it doesn't take long to sort things out.   Developing the skills to stop this person from harming you can be very uplifting and raise your confidence and wouldn't that feel nice? 

Whenever you are ready, help is here!