Honey, I Love You, Won't You Please Smile :)

Do you remember playing a game called, "Honey, if you love me, won't you please, please smile?" It was a game played with a group and one player would choose a second player to participate. This is kind of like "Duck, Duck, Goose" without  the running around in a circle.

If I remember correctly, the first player would say; "Honey, if you love me, won't you please, please smile?"  The second player would have to reply; "Honey, I love you, but I just can't smile."  The trick was to be able to ask or respond without cracking a smile or laughing.  This game was a lot of fun. 

Sometimes families play this game in a very serious and detrimental way.  They say things like: "If you love me you will __________."  Then they fill in the blank with lots of expectations and demands.   If you love them, then you must prove it.  That sort of conditional manipulation is problematic. To love you  they must do this, that, or the other thing. That's just silly.  

 I have also seen this game on Facebook a lot recently. Instead of being fun, it is a formula that is controlling and induces guilt.  It reads like a computer program (See Below). The first part targets some relationship and is spelled out. The second part of the formula is a hidden implication.  The implication is usually some negative consequence.  
              
Part 1     Shown   
 If {list target person here}                 
 loves {list a family member relation here}                 
 then they must { like  on facebook}.                  


Part 2a   Not Shown                  
 If {list target person here}                 
 Does not  { like  on facebook}.                 
 They they do not  love {List a family member relation here}             


 Part 2b  Not Shown, also implied.                 
  If 2a applies                 
  Then, you are a terrible person. 


If you love  your children, you love your children.  Liking on Facebook is not required. The things you do to show your love are  called  blessings.  Gary Smalley and John Trent have written an entire book (called "The Blessing"**) about it.  They say that the blessing has four elements.  
                                                       
                                              a) Meaningful touch
                                              b) Spoken word
                                              c) High expectations
                                              d) Picturing a special future.


Isn't that awesome.  Liking and sharing on Facebook are not required.  The best part is; instead of imposing requirements on one another,  love allows us to own our feelings and make our own choices. Love isn't a trap it is a treat.  We can choose to say "Honey, I love you, but I just won't smile", and if I crack a smile saying it ... , you and I both win ;). 












**http://www.amazon.com/The-Blessing-Gary-Smalley/dp/0671737430