What a great line, delivered by the fantastically impressive voice of James Earl Jones, in the Disney Movie "The Lion King." Talk about your self esteem builders. I wish on every parent the ability to imitate his voice saying that. In an age where children are given ipods, cellphones and itunes, you would think that self esteem would be rampant. There is nothing wrong with these devices, by the way. This isn't a critique of them. Just a gentle reminder that the possession of music, photos and apps are not self esteem. Being gifted them, can indeed give a message of love and value. Facebook friends and tweets and social networking can help promote a sense of belonging. Somewhere in there needs to be a sense of purpose. A sense of a role in the caring for one another.
Jean Illsey-Clarke, author of the book, "Self Esteem: A Family Affair" (1998, Hazelden), writes that parents, in the many tasks they perform, are serving at least two basic functions. The first is nurturing and the second she describes as structuring and protecting. When nurturing, it is important not to slide into taking over the problem while providing comfort. When structuring and protecting, it is important to not slide into criticism. As a parent, it is easy to slide into criticism. Sadly, I know I do too often. Building self esteem though, that requires encouragement, and setting limits. Let's set some limits on the toys. Let's give our kids the message that they have something more to contribute. As parents, that means struggling to find that line of encouragement versus exasperation. We have to work to encourage our kids to contribute without imposing guilt on every leisure activity and interest they have. That takes practice, likely we will mess it up. Fortunately, that old quote comes to mind. "If at first you don't succeed try try again." We also are, after all, more than what we have become!
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