Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Whining Means You are Winning!

"All's he does is whine."  That is a  common complaint of parents.  You can see why.  The voice tone can really get on your nerves.  If this is you, then I have good and bad news for you; whining means you are winning.  Yes, I know it's not really a win-lose proposition.  It is kind of a win lose proposition, though!  If you have ever talked to  really non compliant kid, you know what I mean.  Instead of whining, that kid will just say no.  They will say it like they mean it.  They say it in a way that makes you think "That's not gonna work."  If you are a parent and you are hearing this, You know what I mean.  You are losing the battle.

Thank goodness for whining.  The children among us that are whining.  They are appealing to you as the parent.  They acknowledge you as the parent.  They just want something, usually attention.  Sometimes they want a treat or a privilege. Sometimes, they want you to change your mind. It doesn't really matter what it is.  First and foremost, congratulate yourself that your kids annoying behavior is a good sign.  Thank goodness!

As far as dealing with whining there are options.  One good option is to count the behavior.  "That's whining, that's one."  Just remember that you don't have to get upset by the behavior.  If they get to three, they get to three.  Accept their choice and give them a time out.  Another option is to observe the whining.  Learn to predict it. Teach your child a more appropriate way to get your attention. For example, instead of whining, just ask in a normal voice.  "I won't listen if you use that nasal tone, please try again."  Another option is to predict that they are going to whine  and give them attention before they get the chance.  Sometimes you have to change the dynamic.  With older kids, assign them to whine in front of their friends.  See if they do?  Probably not.  There are a few other things to try, but these are fairly effective and easy to do.  Just don't let it get to you.  Of course they whine, it's an effective behavior and we can fix that.  Whining? it means they are basically good kids. Whining? it just means you are winning!

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